I’m accustomed to seeing love in places that others just see what’s plainly before them. It’s literally threaded into the fabric of my being. Here, there and everywhere I enigmatically see signs of love, from big to small, all day long which provides a constant flow of positive energy. I think this gift makes me the luckiest girl in the world, truly.

To that end, I spent last week at a children’s hospital. And in all my years, of all of the love that I’ve been so blessed to absorb, collectively even, all of it pales in comparison to what I was exposed to there.

The love demonstrated between parent and frightened child, doctor and sick patient, nurse and concerned parent, caring colleague and knowing colleague, (the list extending to every last visitor and staff member), was truly overwhelming.

I witnessed true love in its rawest form and determined that love is undoubtedly, literally medicinal – I watched it in serious action. I watched it comfort, inspire, provide strength and heal. What was desitned to be a very upsetting, nervewracking experience was softened by the power of love.

But we all ask the same awesome question, “What is it? What is true love?” My hospital stay showed me that it comes down to a prescription of six basic needs:

Commitment: There wasn’t a nurse I worked with who didn’t work beyond his/her designated hours just to make sure their patients were feeling as ok as possible and to make sure parents felt comfortable with the transition from one nurse to the next. They treated children with as grand a smile when they gave them a popsicle as they did when they were cleaning up their vomit. They were kind to unkind parents. They were committed to healing under any circumstance. That’s true love.

Healthy sacrifice: I met a little girl who’s brother had to miss his Kindergarten graduation on account of having surgery and was simply devastated over it, so she gave up her class party to be with him during that time. That’s true love.

Patience/Trust: Parents in the hospital want answers within minutes of bringing their babies in, but the journey can be painfully long. Test after test can lead to new questions and subsequent tests. Parents must trust in perfect strangers to guide them towards their children’s wellness, and kids must trust in their parents word that all will be ok. That’s true love.

Teamwork: In the hospital, parents and other family members rotate shifts caring for children around the clock, all the while managing other kids at home, work, etc . Spouses lean on each other for moral support or just to go get a breath of fresh air. Doctors and nurses work beautifully together, seemingly mindreading one another to meet the needs of the patient, no matter how dire the situation. That’s true love.

Faith: Whether it is faith in God, faith in the skilled hands of a surgeon, faith in the strength of a soldiering patient, when times get tough, the faith gets going. It was all around the hospital during my stay, contagious almost, shared between roommates who may not even share a word, newly meeting parents hearing each other’s stories and offering hugs of strength, a kind smile from a cafeteria cashier… all the players in the hospital hold strong to faith that the children here will get better and that their family’s will endure this trying time. That’s true love.

Sense of humor: Perhaps it is the clowns and the fishes painted on the walls or the extra wiggly jello, but despite the depth of illness here, you hear laughter – laughter among kids, parents and staff. Kids laugh at their odd looking poop, parents laugh at the fact their kids have become more courageous than them and the staff was probably laughing at all of us…. Which is more than fine as laughter heals pain, carrying us through even the darkest hour. That’s true love.

So back to that awesome question… “What is true love?” This is it. Right here. True love is about staying committed when it hurts worse than any pain you have known. It’s about unwavering stick-to-itiveness. It is about dedication to what you love… to what you say “yes” to… when it is easy, and when it is hard. And doing so because you can’t imagine not doing so, not because you feel obligated to. True love is about healthfully sacrificing yourself to help your loved one, without it depleting you because it comes from a pure place. It is about putting someone else’s needs ahead of yours when their needs trump yours. It is about honoring you and your loved one’s value to each other and giving to meet the needs of the unit. True love is about being patient with yourself and your partner to see hard times through; to work through to the end with respect and kindness. It is about taking deep breaths and slowing down and knowing that answers may take time, but time always provides answers. It is about trusting in other people believing your best interest is at their heart. True love is about healthy dependence. It is about knowing you can do it on your own but recognizing it will be done better together. It is about leveraging each other’s strengths and synchronizing them to create the best possible outcomes. It is about being comfortable leaning on each other for support and communicating clearly, graciously and fairly to stay in sync. True love is about believing in the power of your union with another. It is about having faith that together you can rise through and above the challenges presented and to know that the process is an opportunity for growth. It is a guttural feeling of acceptance and knowing that all will be better than ok. True love is about recognizing, even in the deepest valleys, that it is ok, even necessary to crack a smile. To find the humor in the serious, the sun in the clouds, is like a giant exhale. When you exhale you can release the negativity allowing the opportunity to inhale positivity, which is a renewing agent like no other.

So if you need a bit of reframing about what love truly is; if you need restored hope that it exists, or just a hug from a sick kid or a devoted nurse who is filled with this kind of love, visit a children’s hospital and see for yourself that love, when it is true, it is pure and it is powerful… powerful enough to create healing miracles. I assure you it will be a shot like none you’ve ever had at a hospital before.

Here’s to loving healthy!

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Summer is here which means the beaches will be overflowing with guys and girls frolicking in the sand and surf, searching for fun in the sun and a steamy, can’t-write-home-about-it summer fling too. So, if spring cleaning included cleaning your boyfriend closet out and you are ready to heat it up with a hottie, start by unleashing your inner flirt (wink at the cutie playing catch with his dog, offer a slushy to a surfer, invite a guy to windsurf with you) and follow these foolproof tips to bag a boy at the beach:

1) Three is the magic number. Guys often hit the beach in packs so it is best to have a comparable number in your own group. If you go solo or in a pair, a guy feels like he is crashing; traveling by the dozen and a single guy or even a small clan might be intimidated. Three allows for balanced mingling.

2) Choose young, crowded beaches. Do your homework. There are family beaches, gay beaches, dog beaches, beaches for the elderly and there are beaches where the young and single gravitate. That’s where you want to be. Often these beaches are near restaurant/bars, which encourage keeping the party going after sunset. Be sure to pack beach to evening clothes.

3) You are what you wear. All bikinis are not created equal in the eyes of men. A simple black or white suit says polished and sophisticated. Pastels or florals say fun and sweet. Neon says attention starved. Heavily jeweled says high maintenance. So consider the message you want to convey before suiting up, but regardless, make sure it fits properly, you love it and that you don’t forget to wear your most magnetic accessory - your smile.

4) Opt for beach friendly beauty. The beach is not the club, so easy does it on the makeup, jewelry and hair. Stay fresh-faced and bright-eyed all day long with just an occasional spritz of detangler, neutral lip-gloss, waterproof mascara and concealer if needed. Beach guys aren’t attracted to girls who refuse to have fun in the sun (or water) out of fear of getting her hair and makeup messed up, or worse yet, a girl with runny mascara.

5) Scout a good spot. Don’t be the first one on the beach. Wait until it fills up just enough so that you have options of where you want to hunker down for your first rotation. Position yourself near a small group of cute boys. If sparks don’t fly within the first hour or so and relocate to a new boy haven to increase your odds, just as you would in any other social situation.

6) Get up off that booty! Don’t just lie there, get up and get active. Most guys head to the beach to play on it, not perfect their tan. Take a walk, play Frisbee, go for a swim. Pack beach games like hackeysack, a football or ring toss and use this to lure guys in (“Whoops – did I just overshoot my birdie into your football circle?”) or as an opportunity to invite them over (“We need a 4^th player, care to join?”) And don’t worry, you still get a tan even when you aren’t trying.

7) Tune in. Although closing your eyes and escaping into your favorite playlist can seem like the best way to enjoy a day at the beach, especially when spiked with an occasional nap, this makes it rather challenging for a guy to approach you. Headphones or any electronic device for that matter is essentially like hanging up a do-not-disturb sign.

8) Be hospitable. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so be sure to pack a cooler full of delectable snacks. Skip the girly ones like hummus and veggies and think boy bait like chips and salsa and homemade chocolate chip cookies. An afternoon nibble and if your beach allows for beer, a cold one, will certainly score points with neighboring hotties.

9) Skip the tabloids. Interested guys are looking for a way in. Since he can’t comfortably comment on your outfit (since you’ll be barely be wearing one) or something he overheard you say like he could at for example, a bar, consider bring enlightening reading material or an activity that showcases something interesting about you and therefore gives him a conversation opportunity.

10) Ask for help. The beach is the perfect place to test a guy’s chivalrous potential. Whether you need help reaching that hard-to-get spot with sunscreen or can’t get your umbrella to stay in place, inviting a strong-armed cutie to rescue you is a great way to kick-start a connection.

11) Join beach teams (volleyball, running) or take beach classes (surfing, yoga). The easiest way to meet guys surfside is to sign up for a class or team. Often the guy to girl ratio works in your favor and this dynamic guarantees that you are instantly introduced to a flock of men that you will have the chance to get to know over the course of a few months.

12) On vacation? Cheesy works. The rules don’t apply when you are on vacation. When man shopping at the beach, it is perfectly ok to do things you might never do back home such as send a guy a drink (especially if you are at an all-inclusive where they are free!). Lose your inhibitions and go for it – remember your chances of seeing these boys again are one in a zillion, so why not?!.

13) Think before you drink. Hot sun and alcohol are a bad mix. Be mindful of your liquor levels and be sure to stay hydrated throughout the day to avoid the ultimate humiliation – throwing up in front of a hot prospect.

Live and love largely... and happy summer!

Tristan

Ever driven the same route countless times but then missed a turn? Your mind in a cloud of confusion, wonderment, overanalyzes, or perhaps just pre-caffeination? When it dawns on you, what do you do? Immediately course-correct with a u-turn, or keep on going to uncover a new route?

The other morning, a very early early morning, I had such an occurrence. Coffee left behind, on a path I take a few times per week – a very simple path mind you that consists of only a handful of turns, I missed one of them. My mind was stuck in overdrive, thinking about a pile of “what ifs.” When I came to I was only about an 1/8 mile from the intended turn but instead of turning about, I decided to trek on to see what I might see that I’d never seen before.

My “mistake” gently winded me through a neighborhood airfield where I got to see the first plane take off for the day. It also took me past a field of wild flowers laced with freesia – a scent I adore that powerfully flew through my open windows and woke me up better than any coffee could. I then saw a lone runner wearing a t-shirt saying “EXHALE.” So I did. At which point I realized how much I needed it.

Minutes later, this alternative path led me to my, you guessed it… original destination. The magic of the experience was that my initial daze – part sleep induced, part stress induced was replaced by reinvigoration. The simple act of changing my routine and trusting that it would work out, blended with welcoming could be absorbed along the way, was a gorgeous reminder that it always does work out… and not only do things always work out, blessings abound if your eyes and heart are open to new perspectives.

As I went to park my car I was oddly compelled to turn on the radio and poetically, the song “Changes” by 2Pac came on (specifically the lyrics: “The old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to make a change”)… and I thought to myself… maybe I’ll forget my coffee more often.

When it comes to “finding the one,” trust that there is more than one way to get there. Be open to exploring all of the paths. You will increase your odds of course, but perhaps more importantly, through the process of exploration you will enrich your self-awareness and understanding. Have faith that you will arrive at your destiny by staying present and staying true to you. Welcome all of the twists, the turns and the learnings at each intersection. Have courage to get a little lost, to take the road less traveled… as those roads usually provide the greatest awakenings… and the greatest findings.

Here's to embracing life and love's detours and opening the doors they offer!

Live and love largely,

Tristan

I’ve been working from the great northwest – namely San Francisco and Seattle – most of the past week. If you’ve ever lived in or visited these gorgeous cities, or any others notorious for rain such as Portland, Kauai or London, you can’t help but develop an appreciation for the cleansing power of a good outdoor shower. One minute you are walking through a lovely, dry, sunny day and then often without warning, the sky offers a drizzle which turns into a downpour. Instantly, you are faced with two choices:

1) Run for cover in a frustrated panic. Spin into an aggravated bitching session about it. Wait until the rain is over to move on with your life, while sitting in misery.

2) Pop open your umbrella. Saunter through the waterfall with a smile. Embrace what comes.

Guess which one I choose?

My dad (and every optimist on the planet) says, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” I say, when life hands you rain, look for rainbows. Rain is necessary, both in the literal environment and in your personal environment. It not only washes away the extra layers of dirt, but fertilizes the growing. Cleansing offers an opportunity to see things in a fresh, clear, grime-free light. When the rain is gone and the sun re-awakens, so can your spirit, if you let it. Fertilization is like a nurturing of the soul. Like a plant, we need not only sun, but water too, to help us blossom to our fullest potential.

In life and in love, sometimes rain is predicted and it never comes. Sometimes it is predicted to be a light sprinkle and you get a hurricane or you anticipate a hurricane and get a drizzle. And yet other times you forecast sunshine and are dumbstruck by a tsunami. The point is that you can’t always forecast what kind of weather you are going to get (ever had someone break up with you totally unexpectedly or woke up one morning our of love?). And you can never control it. Funny how that works, huh? You might as well, drink up all of the emotions that come with whatever weather you get, comfortably accepting that it is all falling as it should – to either cleanse or fertilize your ground - and knowing that you can handle all of it.

So the next time you hear rumor of rain, or unexpectedly feel a drop of it hit you on the shoulder, don’t run for cover. Face it head on, heart on… and know that you will be more nourished for having welcomed it. When relationship turbulence hits, welcome it. When job turbulence hits, welcome it. When family turbulence hits. Welcome it. If you retreat... waiting for the sun to come out you lose out on an opportunity to be cleansed and fertilized by the rain. Dance in it, understand its purpose - why it is here NOW and what it can do for you... no matter how dark it might feel. When the sun re-surfaces (which it will - it ALWAYS does!) you will have grown taller, fuller and brighter for having drank up with rain.

Here’s to living a sandal wearing, with an umbrella in your purse kind of life.

Live and love largely,

Tristan