We’ve all had experiences with shortcutting and nearly every time, there is a price to pay for it. Whether it is performance at work, applying makeup (can we say coverage gone awry?!) or cooking, no matter what, when we don’t take the time to do something properly, the outcome is always less than what we want it to be. Take driving for example. If your goal is to get from point A to point B in as fast as time as possible so you plot out a shortcut, you probably waste more time calculating a shortcut than you would have just taking the longer route. In those cases you also often take the journey that is less beautiful, less inspiring. And doesn’t it nearly never fail that when you are in the biggest hurry, the shortcut, fails you – there is a detour, an accident, or some freak traffic? That, is life talking to you… life telling you that trying to beat the system is bad for you – that the roadmap is in its right place for a reason and the joke’s on you if you try to cheat it. Well the same applies to love. When you try to cheat the system of love, you are the one who ultimately gets cheated.

The whole notion of speeding up your love destiny is energy wasted. Books that promise happily-ever-after in 90 days or less, workshops that guarantee you will fall at the feet of your Mr. Right after having taken them or any other too-good-to-be true promise, is just that, too-good-to-be-true. When we opt for shortcuts like these, we deprive ourselves of the gifts received when taking the longer path – the path that offers the life shaping experiences we will need to prepare us for the future. If we shortcut now, we will short-circuit later. Count on that.

Think about what you are really looking for… a quick exit off the freeway hoping that brings you to something good enough? Instead of making your goal the first to be at the finish line, make your goal to get to the finish line, ready… prepared for the large responsibility that real grown-up love is. It is like studying math… if you skipped addition and subtraction, how would you understand multiplication and if you didn’t grasp multiplication, division would boggle your mind, and so on and so on. Take the time needed to absorb all of the stages of love presented to you. Soak up every moment knowing that every pit-stop, no matter how short or how long, how seemingly pleasant or miserable, is a necessary and wildly, wonderful opportunity to grow. Each one of your experiences is, despite it might not feeling that way when the road begins to feel long and winding and like there is no destination ahead, is solidifying your foundation in some way… if you drive with open eyes. Pay attention to your path. Look in your rear-view mirror to avoid driving in circles. Construct a map so you have a vision of where you want to go. And don’t be afraid to take the road less traveled - to throw yourself into moments that are outside of your comfort zone, to test your limits and to force yourself to go the distance… that is how you best extract lessons that you will undoubtedly need for life and love success.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

To become an ace student of dating, it is all about putting what you learn into action. Burying yourself in textbooks and lessons can only take you so far so here is a cliff notes, crash course in dating designed to give you insta-success this weekend out in the dating playground. Don't worry about failing - there is no such thing - it is all about risking error to learn from the trial. So study your ABCs and have fun in the field! I look forward to hearing about what you learn!

A is for Acting like who you think a guy wants you to be always backfires. Think of this like wearing a padded bra. Eventually the padded bra is going to come off revealing the real flat-chested you and the real disappointed him. So instead of chameleoning yourself into what you think he wants, play yourself instead – you get an academy award for that role every time.

B is for Believing in love which instantly makes you more lovable. When you have faith that someday you will fall into true love, that feeling shines through every ounce of your being and projects out into the world. You become a magnetic ball of loveable energy that is irresistible to men.

C is for Cupid strikes those open for business. Cupid isn’t an equal opportunity shooter. He seeks those open to the idea of dating – meaning if you stay cooped up in your apartment reading old issues of UsWeekly on Friday nights, stay buried in your iPod in cafes to avoid having strangers talk to you, or are convinced all the good guys are taken or are gay - you will never got shot by love’s arrow.

D is for Don’t be afraid of commitment; be afraid of committing to the wrong guy. Commitment to another person is one of life’s most beautiful unions. It shouldn’t be feared; it should be desired and honored and such that, not taken lightly. Approach commitment with care and diligence, taking your time as a sign of respect for yourself.

E is for Expectations ought to be realistic. Instead of going out shopping for a husband, shop for a good time. Keep things simple and in the present. Live in the moment to keep your sanity and potential future with your guy, intact.

F is for Flirting should feel like a mini orgasm: Powerful, mysterious and magnetic. The goal is to leave your target wanting to come back for more.

G is for Go for the gold medal in love. Don’t accept good enough – not the silver, not the bronze. Believe that you are worthy of the best possible love in your love and never quit until you arrive at it, even if that means holding out for a little longer than you expected. Waking up next to a gold medal guy every day will make it worth the wait and effort.

H is for Happier women have happier love lives. It is hard to attract a great guy if all you’ve got to offer is a sub-par or problem filled life. Go out and build yourself an ooey gooey sticky sweet sundae of a life – one that a man can be the cherry on top of. Great relationships are ones in which partners are compliments to each other’s already wonderful lives, not solutions to their broken ones.

I is for Increase your odds of meeting someone special by expanding your dating playgrounds beyond being double-fisted in a bar or online. The whole world can be seen as an opportunity to meet someone datable if you have your eyes and heart open. There’s no wrong place to meet Mr. Right.

J is for Joke’s on you if you think finding happily-ever-after is supposed to be a breeze. Falling in like and love (and sometimes into bed) is one fabulously flawed process. Love is the greatest treasure you will ever find, but you have to go through many experiences, which prepare you for the responsibility of it. That’s what dating does – if you do it right, it trains you – it’s like boot camp.

K is for Kissing is a critical preview. If a guy’s kissing skills are lackluster, don’t expect much from his sex skills. Bad kissing is to good sex as a bad script is to a good movie – it doesn’t exist, so save yourself for someone who can really liplock.

L is for Love luck. Being unlucky in love is not about a bad dice roll or crappy fortune cookie. It is about being unopen to love; to change that, you need to free your fears. It is about being stupid about love; to change that, you need to free your self-love. It is about being unavailable to love; to change that, you need to free your heart.

M is for Mengagement. Guys love to be hit on so don’t just wait shyly by for them to come over, go get what you want! Beat tongue-tiedness by banking on these foolproof pickup methods to engage with men: 1) Ask for help, 2) Compliment him, 3) Share something with him, like food, or 4) a sweet and simple, “Hello!”

N is for Never marry someone you haven’t taken a roadtrip with, haven’t had a blowout fight with and then actually resolved it (not just kiss, made up and swept the issue under the rug), haven’t had a heart to heart with their key family members, haven’t played co-parent with to some bratty kids to for a long weekend.

O is for Own your love status. Take responsibility for where you are. Don’t blame your ex or your daddy issues. Work through 100% of your 50% in everything. Envision where you want to be – what ideal love looks like to you – in order to get there.

P is for Pay attention to what’s in front of you to know what lies ahead of you. What you see is most always what you get and while potential can be wrapped up in a pretty package, it is slippery for your heart to make decisions in the present based on what you hope might happen in the future.

Q is for Quality sometimes is arrived at through quantity. Nix the notion that it should only take x number of dates or that you ought to be married off by x age. Instead of working to beat some type of clock, put your love life on an experience line, not a timeline. Commit to being a smart, seasoned dater, no matter how long or how many dates it takes. We cannot control when love will strike but we will never be successful at it if we are not ready. Being ready comes with experience.

R is for Repetition in dating (i.e. dating loser after losing, always being the doormat, etc.) is a result of not learning from your mistakes. Dating is like algebra. You need to identify the variable that creates negative results and change it if you want a different outcome.

S is for Sell your cleavage… and not the form that is measurable and held up by straps and a wire. Every girl has something about her that is just as sexy, just as magnetically attractive to the male species as boob gutter, and probably even more so since it is weighted in substance. Figure out what your cleavage is, push it up miracle bra style and market that when you go out into the dating playground next.

T is for Technology can kill your flirting game. Buds in your ears or having your pretty little face buried in your smart phone is like holding up a “do not disturb” sign, warding off potential cuties from coming your way. Burst your tech bubble to have a better shot of pushing the buttons of a man instead.

U is for Until you try something on for size, give it a ride or taste it, you have no idea if you like it. The more you sample, the more specifically you will be able to fine-tune your wants and your needs, both emotionally and physically – and that is the point of dating. Explore all options that come your way so that when you make your final decision, you do so with confidence.

V is for Vajazzling fail. Don’t do it. Just wax your hoo-ha into a respectable, minimalistic style. Hand-placed Swarovski crystals down there says to a guy that you have too much money, too much time and that you need too much attention.

W is for Wear one statement accessory always – a funky hat, a bold watch, a unique, necklace, a daring belt - something that will help a guy kickstart a conversation with you. Don’t overdo it though. Less is more when it comes to fashion and know that the very best accessory you can wear is a beautiful smile.

X is for Xes are in the trash for good reason so really carefully consider it when you resurrect them. A case of retrosexualitis is usually due to loneliness, laziness, regret or horniness. Remember that a movie sequel is rarely as good and certainly never better than the first one, so your energy is better spent on finding new love than it is on recycling old love.

Y is for You deserve what you accept; you accept what you deserve. Decide what you believe you deserve and accept nothing less than that. After all, you deserve it, right?

Z is for Zip it! On the first few dates, if you want to see more of him, avoid the following taboo topics: soulmates/destiny/fate, upcoming weddings you need a date for, ex-boyfriends or the number of guys you’ve bedded, your therapist or bouts in rehab, your perfectly mapped out plans for the future and current debt or your trust fund.

Live and love largely,

Professor Tristan

It’s not my forte to dish on celeb couplings and decouplings. After all, who am I to have an opinion about people I don’t know, not to mention I consider celebs people just like you and I (particularly the likes of Jim Carrey - I've had lunch with him and he couldn't be sweeter, smarter, more real). Buuuuuuuut… yesterday when Jim and Jenny announced the news of their breakup, surprisingly to me, I was profoundly struck. If you missed it, the twosome left little for speculation (in a very unHollywood move), by personally and very maturely (which only makes me love them that much more) announcing their breakup via Twitter:

Jim Carrey: Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I'm grateful 4 the many blessings we've shared and I wish her the very best! S'okay!

Jenny McCarthy: Im so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to Jane and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.

As expected the wire went abuzz with questions surrounding what could have gone wrong, especially since they seemed like the perfect couple, publicly supporting each other and just as recently as Valentine’s Day Jenny offered up a grand display of love in the sky for Jim, to which he replied via Twitter his massive appreciation and love for Jenny. Frankly though, I could care less… that’s between the two of them. I think, the media focus should be on what went right. Finally, a high profile celeb couple separated respectfully. But you won’t see the media cover that. It will dig for shame, betrayal, dirt of any kind. That’s how jaded we’ve become. My guess – it won’t find any. But instead of shining a teachable light on this wonderful couple, it will just move on to find an ugly, scandal-ridden breakup.

So, I want to take a minute to toast J² for being a healthy couple. A couple that charted their relationship course with open eyes and open hearts… all the way to the end of the road… unafraid to go the distance even if it meant parting ways. Parting ways gives them each the freedom to find love on another path. That is the greatest gift two people who truly love each other can give. Walking away when you know your destination is headed towards a dead end or to a destructive place is a huge sign of strength; conversely, it is the weak that stay fooling themselves into thinking that they are warriors fighting for something that is already nothing, too afraid to go it alone.

I want to toast them for breaking up with respect for each other and gratitude for the time they had with each other which. Having done this will help them kickstart their individual healing process that much faster.

And further they should also be commended for being amazing role models to their kids, who obviously were an integral part of their relationship. The way they have handled this will make it much easier on two innocent children who reaped the benefits of the love between Jim and Jenny but will also miss their union.

So here’s to Jim and Jenny for teaching all of us how to care for a relationship all the way to the end, how to be grateful for it and how to gift each other new opportunities to love. May their next chapters be as bright as this last one.

Live and love largely,

Tristan

Lately I’ve been asking random strangers at coffee shops and bars, neighbors on planes, people on street corners waiting to cross in the same direction as me, customers in line at grocery stores, drug stores and just about every other place, one single question, “What’s the greatest thing in life you can have?” The answer keeps coming up the same: Love. It seems no matter who I ask – young or old, boy or girl, single or married: they all perceive love as life’s greatest commodity. Some of my questioning with these strangers led to deeper conversation which proved what I think we all know: that most of us in theory are willing to do whatever it takes to get that magic dose of greatness that we either have and hope to hold onto, had and lost and desire to have again, or have only fantasized about and dream of having someday. I say “in theory” because when it comes down to it, many of us are pretty love lazy. We’ll put our blood, sweat and tears into achieving in our education, our careers and so on, but when it comes to winning at love, we get pretty beat down after only minimal effort resorting to waiting in our castles for our prince to trot along and scoop us up. If only.

I remember when I was about 6 years old, I was at the beach with my mom. I innocently frolicked into the ocean and within minutes I was attacked by an army of jellyfish. All 3 feet of me was stung, from head-to-toe. I ran out of the water screaming my heart out in terror and after the lifeguards treated my stings, I swore I’d never go back in again. To me, the ocean and everything in it, was evil. Thirty minutes later my mom dragged me back in that angry ocean, kicking and screaming, to face my fears. To this day, I'll dive into any ocean, jellyfish infested or not (thanks mom!) with an enormous smile on my face. When it comes to love, it doesn’t matter how often or how badly you get stung, you have to get back in the sea, jellyfish and all, and swim again, because what you can catch, love, is too great not to take the risk. That is, if you want it, more than theoretically speaking.

I get it. Keeping up your dating stamina isn’t easy. It is easy to get stuck in the “I’m just unlucky in the love department” or “All the good guys are taken or gay” or “I just need to concentrate on me right now” or "It just hurts too bad" zone, but getting deflated by a string of unfulfilling dates or relationships, simply doesn’t get you any closer to a good one. Therefore, to maintain your dating endurance, to get you swimming again and again, keep these inarguable points in mind:

1) Your true love is not at the bottom of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s; wallowing in pity will get you nowhere. At the very least go out and live your life - building up a great life will make you shine brighter and in turn will make you more attractive to the kind of men you want to attract.

2) Dating is a game of numbers. The more you date, the better your odds. And if you seriously are so convinced that the pool is shrinking, what are you waiting for?!

3) There is always the one before “the one” – that is the magic of love! The date before my first date with my now husband was pretty pitiable. If I had given up on love because of that experience, I wouldn’t have met Jason.

Here's to swimming for love!

Live and love largely,

Tristan

p.s. Turns out that the jellyfish center (as pictured above) is remarkably similar to that of a 4-leaf clover. Coincidence? I don't think so - I think it is symbolism to show that there's luck to be had and to seen in even the worst situations!