There is a poetic analogy between the hand drawn hopscotch game we played as kids and the way we navigate our relationship journey as adults. I discovered that this weekend on an unintentional experiment with a client. We were meeting in a park and someone, presumably a child, had left behind a vibrantly colored hopscotch board reminiscent of our playground days. I challenged her to a round. Little did she know I was testing her.
On her first go, she skipped number 2.
On her second try, she stepped on the line between 6 and 7.
When I encouraged her to try again, she dejectedly exclaimed, “I give up. You win.”
In her first attempt, in her race to the finish, she was willing to cheat to get there. I can’t say, nor can she really, if that hop over #2 was deliberate or not. But the point is that working up to a relationship is a process. You can’t skip number two. Number two, figuratively, is an important learning opportunity. You need it, just like you need all the rest. And although you may not be able to chart out what each next step will be as you can on a hopscotch board, you certainly know when you’ve missed one. You can just feel it – your relationship gets out of sync. Being in a hurry to get to the end only shortchanges yourself and your partnership; simply you end up lacking in completeness; you end up losing.
Her second crack, the time where she stepped on the line, an automatic loss in the game of hopscotch, showcased her sloppiness, her lack of attention to the process. Paying attention to where you are – to the now – to staying in your zone, is essential when building a relationship. That is living to your authentic self. When you step on the lines of your authentic self, you need to question your intent in the relationship you are in.
And finally in only a mere two tries, my dear client gave up, defeated. Instead of using the prior two trials as opportunities to live and learn, to love better, she quit. To achieve your greatest love potential, you have to be willing to be in your game. You have to be willing to falter and to rise above those stumbles, knowing that each time you get up, you have the opportunity to progress, to move forward, closer to your goal... even if it is one small hop at a time.
So from now on, carry with you the picture of a hopscotch board. Use it to calm yourself when you want to hurry in a relationship or when you see yourself cheating you out of being you, use it as a reminder that you will just be forced to start again from the beginning, from square 1. In hopscotch and in relationships, it isn’t about how fast you get there, it is about how mindful you are along the way.
Happy hopping!
Live and love largely,
Tristan
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Waiting in line for a latte can be the ideal time to return a call or beat the next level of Brickbreaker and the idea of flying on a plane iPod-less sounds so 2001, but putting yourself in a technological bubble makes it hard for potential mandidates to break through to you. Buds in your ears or your pretty little face buried in a PDA not only makes it difficult for a guy to penetrate your tech zone, as purposefully or not, you are putting up a “do not disturb” sign. In a world filled with tech-obsessed busy bodies, being the antithesis to this is a refreshing sight to see, and a subtle invitation to guys. So the next time you’ve got some idle time, where sure, you could pound through a dozen emails, text your BFFs or get lost in your favorite new download, consider instead disconnecting from your techie gadgets and open up to connecting with a human hottie. I guarantee pushing a boys buttons will be more fun!
Nicole Johnson makes this comment
Friday, 13 August 2010
I love the Hopscotch analogy.
You are correct, dating is not a race; it is a mindful process.
We live in a society of instant gratification, and this has been transposed onto our personal lives.
You can not have an instant relationship or instant success in the dating marketplace. Effective dating takes time...