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I’m accustomed to seeing love in places that others just see what’s plainly before them. It’s literally threaded into the fabric of my being. Here, there and everywhere I enigmatically see signs of love, from big to small, all day long which provides a constant flow of positive energy. I think this gift makes me the luckiest girl in the world, truly.

To that end, I spent last week at a children’s hospital. And in all my years, of all of the love that I’ve been so blessed to absorb, collectively even, all of it pales in comparison to what I was exposed to there.

The love demonstrated between parent and frightened child, doctor and sick patient, nurse and concerned parent, caring colleague and knowing colleague, (the list extending to every last visitor and staff member), was truly overwhelming.

I witnessed true love in its rawest form and determined that love is undoubtedly, literally medicinal – I watched it in serious action. I watched it comfort, inspire, provide strength and heal. What was desitned to be a very upsetting, nervewracking experience was softened by the power of love.

But we all ask the same awesome question, “What is it? What is true love?” My hospital stay showed me that it comes down to a prescription of six basic needs:

Commitment: There wasn’t a nurse I worked with who didn’t work beyond his/her designated hours just to make sure their patients were feeling as ok as possible and to make sure parents felt comfortable with the transition from one nurse to the next. They treated children with as grand a smile when they gave them a popsicle as they did when they were cleaning up their vomit. They were kind to unkind parents. They were committed to healing under any circumstance. That’s true love.

Healthy sacrifice: I met a little girl who’s brother had to miss his Kindergarten graduation on account of having surgery and was simply devastated over it, so she gave up her class party to be with him during that time. That’s true love.

Patience/Trust: Parents in the hospital want answers within minutes of bringing their babies in, but the journey can be painfully long. Test after test can lead to new questions and subsequent tests. Parents must trust in perfect strangers to guide them towards their children’s wellness, and kids must trust in their parents word that all will be ok. That’s true love.

Teamwork: In the hospital, parents and other family members rotate shifts caring for children around the clock, all the while managing other kids at home, work, etc . Spouses lean on each other for moral support or just to go get a breath of fresh air. Doctors and nurses work beautifully together, seemingly mindreading one another to meet the needs of the patient, no matter how dire the situation. That’s true love.

Faith: Whether it is faith in God, faith in the skilled hands of a surgeon, faith in the strength of a soldiering patient, when times get tough, the faith gets going. It was all around the hospital during my stay, contagious almost, shared between roommates who may not even share a word, newly meeting parents hearing each other’s stories and offering hugs of strength, a kind smile from a cafeteria cashier… all the players in the hospital hold strong to faith that the children here will get better and that their family’s will endure this trying time. That’s true love.

Sense of humor: Perhaps it is the clowns and the fishes painted on the walls or the extra wiggly jello, but despite the depth of illness here, you hear laughter – laughter among kids, parents and staff. Kids laugh at their odd looking poop, parents laugh at the fact their kids have become more courageous than them and the staff was probably laughing at all of us…. Which is more than fine as laughter heals pain, carrying us through even the darkest hour. That’s true love.

So back to that awesome question… “What is true love?” This is it. Right here. True love is about staying committed when it hurts worse than any pain you have known. It’s about unwavering stick-to-itiveness. It is about dedication to what you love… to what you say “yes” to… when it is easy, and when it is hard. And doing so because you can’t imagine not doing so, not because you feel obligated to. True love is about healthfully sacrificing yourself to help your loved one, without it depleting you because it comes from a pure place. It is about putting someone else’s needs ahead of yours when their needs trump yours. It is about honoring you and your loved one’s value to each other and giving to meet the needs of the unit. True love is about being patient with yourself and your partner to see hard times through; to work through to the end with respect and kindness. It is about taking deep breaths and slowing down and knowing that answers may take time, but time always provides answers. It is about trusting in other people believing your best interest is at their heart. True love is about healthy dependence. It is about knowing you can do it on your own but recognizing it will be done better together. It is about leveraging each other’s strengths and synchronizing them to create the best possible outcomes. It is about being comfortable leaning on each other for support and communicating clearly, graciously and fairly to stay in sync. True love is about believing in the power of your union with another. It is about having faith that together you can rise through and above the challenges presented and to know that the process is an opportunity for growth. It is a guttural feeling of acceptance and knowing that all will be better than ok. True love is about recognizing, even in the deepest valleys, that it is ok, even necessary to crack a smile. To find the humor in the serious, the sun in the clouds, is like a giant exhale. When you exhale you can release the negativity allowing the opportunity to inhale positivity, which is a renewing agent like no other.

So if you need a bit of reframing about what love truly is; if you need restored hope that it exists, or just a hug from a sick kid or a devoted nurse who is filled with this kind of love, visit a children’s hospital and see for yourself that love, when it is true, it is pure and it is powerful… powerful enough to create healing miracles. I assure you it will be a shot like none you’ve ever had at a hospital before.

Here’s to loving healthy!

Live and love largely,

Tristan