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After my third clingy caller intervention this week - its design being to prevent an innocently intended girl from pushing away a perfectly good mandidate by unnecessarily calling/texting too soon – I’ve decided it is time to address this issue with all of you.

But don’t mistake this post for a “Why doesn’t he call?” one. No, this is about why women have an immediate need to call, what it signals to him when you do and how you can resist it.

The urge: What is that gravitational like pull to the phone that women have after a great first date/hookup with a guy? That uncontrollable feeling like how during that time of the month you just have to have a canister of Pringles and a Pound cake? A pull so strong and immediate, your fingers start dialing seconds after you’ve said goodbye to your new guy; other times you manage to resist it until the morning after. Well, it is simple. That point of reconnection is about validating your place in his world or rather ensuring that you still have a place in it. And it comes from that nasty little word we all hate to hear, insecurity. That’s right. Making the call or sending the text has little to do with thanking him for a great night or a kind little gesture to reassure him that we like him, despite how we might justify it to be so. Think about it – with that first text/call, you usually have no clue what to even write/say (!!!) and your delivery is often super awkward. In reality, your mission is a positive return text or a spirited greeting on the other end… either of which will give you two things: 1) confidence that you did a good job on the date and 2) hope for another date in the near future… both of which provide, security.

What he thinks: Well let’s start with what he’s not thinking. Your guy is likely not debating in his head should he or shouldn’t he call/text you. He’s not consulting his BFFs or his neighborhood dating expert on the matter. Just as he never scribbled a crushes first name paired with his last name nestled in a heart doodle (flashback: second grade), simply, he isn’t over thinking last night or what will happen tomorrow… he’s perfectly comfortable in today. To Mr. Last Night, when a girl prematurely contacts him with nothing of significance to say this can be a first signal to him that she is going to be a clingy girl, that she is going to need a lot of validation in a relationship and that she is going to be high maintenance. All of which are not such attractive characteristics to said guy. Yes, it’s true some guys won’t so harshly judge a quick point of contact and may even perceive it as a nice stroke to his ego, but not most, and no guy requires such outreach from a girl.

An alternative: Before hitting send on that text or dialing that last digit, really think through your motive and what your end result will be of placing the txt/call. Sure, you have a 50/50 chance that he will respond/answer positively and you will be able take your sought after sigh of relief, but then what, you will still be waiting for him to call, wondering, “did I call too soon?” if he doesn't, leaving you in a potentially worse off place. Instead of fixating on if you should/shouldn’t text/call, focus on your sundae… focus on creating your ooey gooey deliciously wonderful life because not only do you deserve to have an amazing one so that is always time well spent, but men are most attracted to women who have a big, abundant, sweet life… one representative of a sundae that they can be the cherry on top of – the complement to a woman's independent, secure, fabulous life, not the solution to her desperate, insecure, broken one (see photo above... what not to be). Wait a day or two, see if the urge to call him is still as strong, if it is, go for it!

Here’s to finding freedom in not living your life with baited breath anxiously awaiting or being nervous to send a text/place a call, because let's be honest, that's not living at all. Instead, use your moments to enrich your life so that you have more life to show and to share with an eventually great, not to mention cellularly compatible, mandidate.

Live and love largely,

p.s. TIP: Assign one of your besties as your go-to clingy caller intervener. When you have a moment of weakness, instead of txting/calling him, txt/call her. You can blow up her phone and she is obligated to still love you :)