Dating is a little like learning how to ride a bike. I discovered that this past weekend when against the kicking and screaming wishes of a 5-year old, I removed the training wheels from his mini BMX bike. Last week this carefree kid was a content 4-wheeler, but this weekend he experienced the delight that comes with 2-wheel riding – crashing into bushes, falling onto concrete and near to the bone scrapes... and of course the fruits of success too - the wind blowing through his hair, the excitement of speed as he descended down a hill, the adventure of the journey to nowhere in particular. A milestone had been reached this weekend and he had Spiderman band-aid covered scars (and I think 1” height growth) to prove it.
That was Saturday. On Sunday, I accompanied my guy-friend, Alex, engagement ring shopping. As he calmly perused all of his options, he told me about all of the other girls of his past (the list was loooong) and what separated Carrie, who was about to be the lucky recipient of a beautiful princess cut ring and this fantastic 5-star main courses’ heart forever, from the pack and made her so perfect for him. As he explained, I realized, all of the other girls, all of those dates and relationships past were his oh so necessary run-ins with the bushes, scarred knees, loose chains... his collective training wheels.
Alex needed all of those girls. He needed them to find his balance, to find his safe place, to find his courage, his freedom, his voice. He needed them to make mistakes with and to travel to the many places he may not have gone on two wheels because he wasn’t ready to.
Which brings me to a reader email I received this week asking how long does it take to find a main course? How many men do you have to go through until you are properly trained and can ride without running into a stop sign? Well finding your perfect pairing is not about a timeline but rather an experience line and everyone’s experience line takes a different and unpredictable, amount of time... which is what makes everyone’s love story so unique. So instead of focusing on figuring out if a mandidate is “the one”, relish in the fact that every date and relationship is just a winding ride supported by training wheels – an invaluable ride to prepare you for what comes next. The more you journey on the 4-wheeler path of like, the more experienced, confident and stable you will become on your bicycle and therefore, the more prepared you will be for the great responsibility of 2-wheeler love.
Live and love largely,
Tristan
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Waiting in line for a latte can be the ideal time to return a call or beat the next level of Brickbreaker and the idea of flying on a plane iPod-less sounds so 2001, but putting yourself in a technological bubble makes it hard for potential mandidates to break through to you. Buds in your ears or your pretty little face buried in a PDA not only makes it difficult for a guy to penetrate your tech zone, as purposefully or not, you are putting up a “do not disturb” sign. In a world filled with tech-obsessed busy bodies, being the antithesis to this is a refreshing sight to see, and a subtle invitation to guys. So the next time you’ve got some idle time, where sure, you could pound through a dozen emails, text your BFFs or get lost in your favorite new download, consider instead disconnecting from your techie gadgets and open up to connecting with a human hottie. I guarantee pushing a boys buttons will be more fun!
Cara makes this comment
Sunday, 14 February 2010